Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Beauty Should NOT Be This Painful!

Let me just say that there will be NO high heels on this chic's feet today!

In my quest to be a Hot Momma I regularly hit the gym. Five days a week my alarm jolts me out of bed at 4:30am so that I can get in a good 75 minutes of blood pumping, muscle making, toning, training exercise before my kids put me through the wringer for the rest of the day. I've recently made it my personal mission to rebuild the booty that my normal routine has taken away from me. Isn't it messed up that I have to exercise to regain something that exercising made me loose? Those who had to listen to me whine and mourn the loss of my bootylicious backside advised me to try squats! So for a couple of weeks, I've added 40 or so squats to my agenda - but truthfully, I felt nothing and saw no results; and trust me, I look at my booty. A lot!

My poor husband gets the worst of my workout-woes! He's by no means a gym-god but I like to think he knows more than I do because he's had a little training in that area. It kills me to go to him for advice, so I usually just whine and bitch until he offers suggestions, then I bitch that I don't need his help! See how that works? Without a doubt, he knows that this is the game I run on him, but he continues to humor me. Either he really loves me and genuinely wants to help, or he really loves that most of his friends think I'm a milf.

Back on topic! While rolling around on the floor with the kiddos recently, I started complaining that I wasn't seeing results from my squats. Brandon (playing along as usual) said "are you using any weights?" I said "Weights!? I weigh 116lbs! I shouldn't need any darn weights!"

"Ok, I'm just trying to help you out" was his reply. Advice filed away - and I continue to rant that I don't need his freaking help!

Monday rolls around. Ah, another week of gym love! I have stars in my eyes just thinking about smelly yoga mats and gym wipes. I arrive with an I'll show him attitude. So I finish up my cardio, hit the weight machine room for about 15 minutes (too many creepy men staring) and then it's off to the abs room and time for my squats! On my way through the door I grab a mat and tuck it under my arm so I can grab a couple of weights.

Someone seriously should have warned me that adding weights really does make a difference! Ten pounds in each hand, and 40 squats later, I left the gym feeling pretty pumped! But the minute I stepped out the door into -4* weather and felt my muscles tighten up like a virgin on her wedding night...I had a feeling I was in trouble.

The pain today is unbearable; so is the laughter spewing from my husband's head. Sometimes I really want to stuff one of his socks in his mouth - right after he takes his military boots off! The very worst part of it is that I'm not talking about my butt. Apparently I'm not doing my squats properly because it's my THIGHS that are giving out from under me while trying to load the dishwasher! Son of a...

Needless to say, I threw my phone across the room this morning when the alarm sounded at 4:30 and I'll be making up some missed gym time this weekend. I'm walking around my happy home in house shoes like a drunk on 5th Avenue!

This is my life as a Mommy in Jeans and...house shoes.

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